The 1985 Project Part 29: Don Henley - Building the Perfect Beast

I knew 29 weeks ago I'd eventually have to listen to this one.

I saw Don Henley live in about 1993. I was there to see Bonnie Raitt, who had delivered a fantastic opening set. My friend and I decided to stick around to see what Henley would be like live. I honestly don’t remember any of the music. I know we left only a few songs into his set. But what I remember clearly is what sticks in my head whenever I think of this guy.

“We went down to see the diner that they used to film White Palace,” he said in between songs. “I gotta tell you they had the best burgers. They were so good, I went out to find a pay phone so I could call Linda McCartney long distance. I said, “Linda, you need to get to St. Louis, these hamburgers are so good!””

Yeah, a joke about Linda McCartney being vegetarian was his lame attempt to connect him to the crowd. What an ass!

I always thought Mojo Nixon went past the bounds of good taste when he wrote “Don Henley Must Die,” but I understood. “He’s a tortured artist / Used to be in the Eagles / Now he whines / Like a tortured beagle.” I mean, that’s no reason to put a stick in his eye, but I’m sure Nixon had a point when he got angry that Henley won a Grammy for Best Rock Vocalist. Because as a singer, Henley is a good guitarist.

Back about ten years ago, Brian Henneman of the Bottle Rockets used to post on Facebook – in the days before he left social media – that he didn’t understand how anybody could dislike the Eagles. They had perfectly good songs, he would say, and they played them and sang them very well. What could anybody have against that band?

Technically, he was right. There was nothing wrong with the Eagles. Heck, there are Eagles records I kind of like, though my fave was written by Jackson Browne. But there is also something smarmy about much of their music, something that always keeps me at a distance. They sound somehow convinced of their importance more than they sound connected to the songs. They don’t feel like they’re communicating with me most of the time.

I never bothered to listen to Building the Perfect Beast before. I was surprised to find it perfectly okay, completely inoffensive, even occasionally enjoyable. Henley still isn’t a great singer, but heck, I love Jules Shear so I can take a guy who wanders off pitch on the high notes. The songwriting is fine. The best thing about the record is the surprising for the time inventive use of synthesizers. Henley could afford the best new equipment, and letting technically adept musicians loose to figure out new things to do with it works quite well.

I knew the two hit singles before. “The Boys of Summer” seems to be a beloved record, though honestly, I think there are far better options. It is a generic rocker with a catchy hook and a weird sense of nostalgia about a woman from his past who wears contemporary hip sunglasses. Much better is “All She Wants to Do Is Dance.” Over a nifty set of synths and electronic drum beats, Henley sets out this juxtaposition between revolutionary unrest in a foreign country and a woman who just can’t stop shaking her booty. The hooks are gigantic, and the synth parts playful and dynamic. Admittedly, jokes like “Molotov cocktail the local drink” are only a step higher on the humor scale than his later Linda McCartney quip.

Henley chases the ghost of Kenny Loggins “Footloose” with “Man With a Mission.” He comes up with a fairly seriously entertaining country ballad “You’re Not Drinking Enough.” He experiments some more with synth sounds and oddball rhythmic feels on the title track. He tries to channel the B-52s on “Driving With Your Eyes Closed.” It’s all fine yet does nothing to make me want to play it again.

In the early 90s, I was in a band of St. Louis Post-Dispatch writers and artist who played five or six songs at the annual Christmas party. One year, our drummer wanted to sing “Dirty Laundry,” from Don Henley’s first solo record I Can’t Stand Still. I had little to no knowledge of the song, but found it to be thoroughly enjoyable to play the rhythm guitar part. I suspect there are songs on Building the Perfect Beast that could be just as much fun to play. But, man, I would much prefer a record of songs more enjoyable to hear.

I think this deserves 5.5 out of 10.